Halloween Costumes I Have Been

I used to be known as quite the Halloween costume designer—and Halloween party-giver for grown-ups. I had to give up the parties when My Liege and I were forced to refinish our hardwood living room floors one year because all that dancing in high heels (those of my guests, I assure you) was not friendly to our 40-year-old wood floors and also because one of my guests BROKE MY CLARINET!! The clarinet I’d had since grade seven and proudly displayed on my fireplace mantel even though I couldn’t remember how to play it any more. After several months passed and I received confirmation that it was, um, Moi who dropped the clarinet, I decided it was time to grow up.

First up, the perfect group Halloween costume for a young family, very easy to make (if I can do it, so can you), and inspired by a lack of ANY Halloween costumes for sale in the tiny logging town where we lived at the time:

The Wrigley’s Gum Family!

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Measure family members and buy appropriate lengths of broadcloth in Juicy Fruit Yellow and Doublemint green (if can’t find shade of Doublemint green, fake it like I did). HINT: A cotton diaper works wonderfully for the baby’s costume.
2. Sew tubes to fit bodies.
3. Use felt pens and/or cut out and sew letters onto broadcloth, depending on how dark your background is. Draw very straight, and remember, if I can do it, so can you!
4. Sew on shoulder straps. HINT: If you’re breastfeeding, make sure straps attach to costume with snaps—very handy.
5. Create silver gum crowns out of cardboard and tin foil.
6. Go forth and elicit oohs and ahhs.

Second, another easy group costume:

The Three Witches of Macbeth!

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Locate two friends who’ll agree to play the Three Witches of Macbeth with you, as long as you guarantee that should a device called a Blog ever come into existence, you will not post their photos.
2. Agree that each of you will memorize your assigned parts of the “Bubble, bubble, boil and trouble” (or whatever it is) speech in the play. Provide your two fellow witches with photocopies of the scene so they have no excuse not to memorize it!
3. Have the good grace to have been born a brunette. If you’re not a brunette, dye your hair.
4. Grow hair as long as you can and get a spiral perm (Yes, you can always buy a wig, if you’re not, you know, truly committed to Halloween).
5. Spray white Halloween paint on your hair in streaks.
6. Dress as witch. HINT: If you have a huge zit on your chin, cover it up with wart makeup.
7. Include hat but forget to wear it in pictures.
8. Create witch’s brew.
9. Note that carrot in brew does NOT represent anything other than a carrot, so advise guests to get their minds out of the gutter.
10. Try as hard as you can to forgive the other two witches when they DON’T MEMORIZE THEIR LINES!!! (Agh, does no one take Halloween seriously?)
11. Repeat the three witches speech several times throughout the evening all on your lonesome.

So, what have some of your favorite Halloween costumes been?

Tomorrow – Halloween Costumes I Have Been or Created for Others to Be That Are Not Recommended.