Galapagos, Day 8: My First Boobies!

If you’re keeping up, Day 8 of our Ecuador trip is really Day 3 of the Galapagos cruise. Three and eight are two of my favorite numbers. So it makes a wonderful kind of sense that I would have my first Booby sighting on Day 8/3 (I know, the days are getting confusing, but I must continue how I have begun). (What, you don’t really expect me to go back and re-title all my previous Galapagos posts, do you? That would be disrespectful to Quito). (For shame!)

For those who think I’m talking about anything other than birds, for shame. I’m speaking of the Blue-Footed Booby, of course!. Picture forthcoming! But first…(I’m a Capricorn, I have to go in order).

On Day 3 of the cruise, we remained on Isabela Island. Our first stop was Moreno Point, which is located southwest of Elizabeth Bay. We had what is called a Dry Landing.

In the Galapagos, there are basically two types of landings—dry and wet. A dry landing means you are unlikely to get your feet wet, unless you fall off the panga before the landing. So usually you would wear hiking runners or light hiking boots, or hiking sandals. A wet landing means your feet WILL get wet. In this case, you will be advised to wear hiking sandals that like the water, water shoes, or even flip-flops, depending on how dexterous you are and where exactly you are landing.

Moreno Point is beautiful. We hiked on lava and saw sea turtles and pink flamingos in small lagoons. Words can not do Moreno Point justice, so I’ll tell the story with pictures.

Landing at Moreno Point on Isabela Island.

I was on the panga in the background. That’s how I was able to take this picture. Because I had already landed, clever soul that I am.

The crew on the Cormorant is excellent about helping people on and off the pangas. At first, with eight people crammed into one panga, and then you add on the panga driver and then maybe also the guide, if he happened to be in your boat, we had 8-10 people on one panga. The first few panga rides, I hung on to my husband and/or the hand grips for dear life. By the end of the two weeks, I was extremely comfortable on the pangas.

Travel Tip! Walking on lava is hot work. It also takes some getting used to for those of us who don’t have the greatest balance. When your guide tells you to wear lots of sunblock and bring a lot of water to drink (at least one bottle per person), make sure you do just that. Plus, don’t be like me and wear a baseball cap during your Galapagos cruise. My neck got burned even though I put sunblock on it. Within a couple of days, I was saving the ball cap to contain the Mysterious Black Lichen while snorkeling and then wearing my Panama hat (bought in Otalavo…I think…or maybe Quito) for our land excursions. The Panama hat offers far greater protection than a silly little baseball cap. I don’t care how cute you look in the cap! Trust me, you look cuter in the Panama hat.

Seriously, wear something that protects the back of your neck.

Regarding the water bottles, when you board the catamaran you are given a water bottle each and are expected to refill it from a cooler in the dining room. At the end of the week, we got new water bottles. This is an ecological manoeuvre so each passenger isn’t consuming 5 plastic bottles per day. Some people like to bring their own water bottles, but we didn’t.

So you walk along the lava and explore all sorts of stuff. One of our first sightings was…

Lovely Tortuga!

Isn’t it cute? Honestly, I adore the Galapagos sea turtles. I think I almost like snorkeling with sea turtles better than I do sea lions, and sea lions are a blast to snorkel amongst, so that’s saying something.

There’s just something about the sea turtle… They’re so graceful, and they don’t give a rip that you’re around. Need I say it again? I adore them.

An example of the lava landscape:

I loved the huge cracks in the landscape, even though I was convinced I would fall into one. I found this hike fairly difficult, because I really had to watch my step and my husband was always taking my hand and helping me over the most dangerous parts. On later hikes, I made use of the walking sticks that the boat provides. If you want one, though, you have to take it into the panga with you. And once you take it with you, you have it for the entire hike. After a couple of hikes with a walking stick, I decided they got in the way of my cameras. Plus, I was becoming more adept at walking on lava. Eventually, I could hopscotch right along! (Sort of).

Our reward for the hike: a beautiful lagoon featuring several pink flamingos.

After ooohing and ahhing over the flamingos, we returned back over the lava, into the pangas, and onto the boat again. It was time for our first snorkel. For me, it was my first time snorkeling ever. Our guide, Harry, was super comfortable in the water (he became a Dive Master at something like 20) and was great to snorkel with. If someone was really freaked out, he’d snorkel with them. However, all other three members of the Pack of Four had snorkeled several times in their lives, so I just held on to my husband’s hand for the first 2 or 3 snorkels until I got the hang of it.

SIL trying to freaking me out before my first snorkel:

I can not be flustered. I am serenity itself.

We are wearing the wet suits provided by the Cormorant (hey, look, you can see the walking sticks in the basket by the fire extinguisher). (Look, up top you can also see the life jackets we would wear aboard the pangas).

We are standing in an area known as the Muster Station. Behind me, you can see what looks like a little wooden structure. This is one of two units for holding any pairs of shoes or sandals you intend to wear off the boat. You can not wear a pair of shoes or sandals inside the boat once you have worn them OFF the boat. This is so you don’t traipse stuff from the Islands back onto the boat. So if you don’t like going barefeet inside the boat all day, bring another pair of shoes or sandals.

The Cormorant supplies wet suits, flippers, masks and snorkels, and they are all in great shape. However, you can bring your own if you wish. Once you have chosen a set of flippers, mask, snorkel and wet suit, it is placed in a mesh duffel that carries your room number on it. You have the same set of snorkel gear your entire time on the boat.

Travel Tip! If you choose to bring along your own snorkel mask, test it out underwater BEFORE packing it in bubble wrap and flying it all the way to Ecuador. Because if you think you can fix the leaks in your mask on the boat, buddy, you are soooooooo wrrrrrrrrrong.

Travel Tip! If you don’t have an underwater camera, seriously consider investing in one for the cruise. I didn’t have one, but BIL did. So all the underwater photos I will show you from now on are photo credit: BIL.

Note: BIL didn’t actually take all the underwater photos on our cruise. This is where a guide like Harry comes in very handy. He would take the camera of anyone who wished and dive down and snap the most amazing pictures for us. Like this seahorse:

Isn’t that amazing?

I must confess, I could barely make out the seahorse through my mask, which was constantly fogging up. This being my first snorkel, I wasn’t yet an expert at not floundering in the water. I was forever getting sea water into my eyes and then the mask would fog up. Eventually, the other passengers took pity on me and taught me a thing or two. I did see parts of the seahorse, but nothing like the detail in the picture above. For that, I would have needed to dive underwater, and no matter how much I came to love snorkeling, I never once had the urge to hold my breath and dive underwater. I know myself. I would have breathed at the wrong moment and inhaled two lungs of sea water.

After our snorkel, we moved to Elizabeth Bay, where we enjoyed a panga ride in a mangrove forest, which is super cool and unique to the Galapagos. We did another panga ride the following day, and that is where I took most of my pictures. But, on the Elizabeth Bay panga ride, we glimpsed our first Blue-Footed Boobies! We did not see them again for a few days. At first I feared I would never see them again. Little did we know that we were in for Booby heaven before the first week was over. But, for now…my first boobies!

Photo Credit: Moi. I love this picture!

See the cute blue feet? We won’t speak of why the rock is white, however. I am sure you can draw your own conclusions. Except, hmmm, the Booby on the left looks like it has feet the same color as the rock. This must mean that what is on the rock is also on the Booby’s feet, because you can see the blue legs. Young Boobies…deposit on their feet. I can no longer remember why. To keep them cool? As camouflage for predators that love blue feet? So people won’t take their pictures?

Give me an educated guess! (Or uneducated, as the case may be).

The problem is, this Booby doesn’t look like a youngster. So, my keen powers of observation, and memory, and going back and studying the larger JPEG of this picture tell me that…the Booby’s blue feet are hidden by a little dip in the rock!

You can still go ahead and guess why baby Boobies poop on their feet. Super creative guesses might even inspire me to ask one of the Pack of Four for the answer.

Galapagos, Day 7: A Volcano Tries to Kill Me

Someone who calls herself a writer keeps hijacking my blog to blab about rights reversion, Author’s Cuts, and Sindie publishing. I tell you, I will not have it! I will not have it at all. This is a travel blog. Okay, so it’s not a travel blog, it’s an author’s blog, but it’s time to return to The Tales of The Galapagos, starring…me, myself, my husband and two relatives. Yes, that’s five of us in total. One was invisible. It’s not her fault.

If you want to see where we left off, check out this link for Day 6, Settling In and Giant Tortoises in the Wild. Or click “Galapagos 2012” in the Categories list in the sidebar to your right and start at the beginning.

First, before we get to Day 7 and how the Sierra Negra Volcano on Isabela Island tried to kill me (or at least ruin my socks), I should confess that Day 7 of the Galapagos is really Day 2 of the Galapagos. Days 1-5 were taken up by traveling and exploring Quito, Otalavo and Cotocachi.

So on Day 6 we settled in and got right down to exploring. During the night, our catamaran, The Cormorant, traveled to the largest of the Galapagos Islands, Isabela. Isabela is kind of shaped like a seahorse and has five volcanoes, one of which is Sierra Negra. Now, consider that the Group of Four was only starting to figure out that our 14-day cruise was beginning with Itinerary B. The people on the 7-day cruise already had this figured out, because, ‘natch, that was the cruise they’d paid for (I know, I’m ending a sentence with a preposition. Live with it). However, the Group of Four had to rely on our own finely honed methods of deduction. Flipping through the itinerary and listening to our guide describe Sierra Negra the night before helped.

Travel Tip! Print out the itinerary for your Galapagos cruise and take it along. Have your sister-in-law give your husband a map of the Galapagos and take that along, too! Then, when you’re all confused about why you’re visiting Isabela (Tour B) instead of Bachus Beach on Santa Cruz Island (Tour A), you can compare the map to the itinerary and figure it out.

Travel Tip! There’s usually a map of the Islands on the boat somewhere, so you don’t necessarily have to take one along. But a clever traveler brings her own (and then draws all over it to show where she’s traveled) (actually, her husband does that) (this person talking in the third person is the invisible member of our party to whom I referred at the beginning of this post).

Our boat anchored near the town of Puerto Villamil. We ate a hearty breakfast and headed off:

Low tide as we ventured onto the island. Look in the bottom right. It's a sea lion!

Can’t see him? Here’s a close-up:

Awwwwwwwwww. He’s scratching his ear. Very beagle-like behavior, I must say.

Travel Tip!  While in the Galapagos, never call a sea lion a seal. They are different animals, and calling a sea lion a seal might earn you a scowl from Someone Who Knows Better or a fwack on the head by someone who doesn’t. Best not to risk it. For one thing, sea lions have ear flaps and four nipples. Want to know more? Check out this link for the San Diego Zoo (my teaching capacity is limited).

To get to the starting point for our hike up to the volcano, we boarded this cute little bus:

Travel Tip! Don’t fall out of the bus. It’s easy to fall off while climbing on, climbing out, or if someone pushes you while the bus is moving. Try to resist pushing the other passengers off the bus. If you don’t like someone on your cruise (and, really, you should be so easy to get along with that everyone just loves you, and vice versa), there are easier ways to avoid them, such as ensuring you never ride in the same panga as them (now everyone from Tour B of my cruise who happens to be reading this is madly trying to remember if they never, ever rode in a panga with me). (I would not avoid anyone. I am Canadian. We are polite).

The thing to remember about itineraries is that they are subject to change. I am pretty certain that’s a rule. Plus, tour itineraries are not updated every three minutes. And when you’re traveling somewhere like the Galapagos, where there’s a wet season and a dry season, and where specific activities occur and specific animals are seen during certain months of the year…well, let’s just put it this way…if your itinerary states that “hiking, horseback riding, riding, walking” will occur during your visit to Sierra Negra, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will do all four activities. Those are the activities of possibility, so to speak. So, say, if you happen to pass one horse on your way to the base of the hiking trail for Sierra Negra, don’t take it personally. The other horses were sleepy (maybe), and wouldn’t you really rather hike? The chances of you hiking instead of horseback riding are…well, I don’t know what the chances are, but I would say, prepare to hike.

Travel Tip! (see previous paragraph).

I would like you to note the blue sky in the picture of the bus. It’s entirely possible I took it in the afternoon (or another member of my party did) and got my photos mixed up. Or it’s possible that weather changes very quickly on Isabela Island. Take your pick.

Hiking the trail to the Sierra Negra Volcano.

Now, note the lack of blue sky in the above picture of the group hiking up the trail.

The hike was long. Very long. And the path was damp. Very damp. And muddy. Very muddy.

Travel Tip! If you buy new white running socks for your Galapagos cruise, do not wear them for the very first time ever on the hike up Sierra Negra. You will carry the soil of the hiking trail on those socks for freaking Ever.

When I say the hike was long, I remember it being at least two hours. However, considering I was close to passing out from the effort of contributing to three different conversations while trying not to slip on the mud and still attempting to breathe, I can’t be certain. Rest assured, it is long. Very long. And not to be attempted without trusty walking/hiking shoes, a walking stick if you’re clumsy or just want the extra help, lots of water, your WATERPROOF jacket (I can not stress the waterproof aspect enough), and a zest for adventure. If you lack the latter, chose an itinerary that doesn’t include a hike up a volcano (Travel Tip!).

Remember that cloudy sky? Well, if you finally reach the volcano caldera and you get to see the view for all of two minutes before the clouds completely cover it and it begins to rain, don’t say I didn’t warn you. So here I go: it might rain. Relax. Enjoy it. You’re on vacation. It’s paradise! If it never rained, everything would be dry and brown and…dead.

View of the caldera in the moments before it began to rain:

Isn’t that gorgeous? It’s not all mist. Some of it is smoky wisps from the caldera.

Note: When your guide tells you not to step too close to the edge or you might fall in, this is not a wise time to test his or her limits. A little jig is enough, several safe feet away from the rim. Your guide doesn’t know you well at this point, and you don’t want him thinking he might have to risk his hide diving into the caldera after you. Plus, if you die, you’ll ruin the hike for the rest of your group.

Note: The volcano did not try to suck me into its depths. I was clever. I played it safe. I danced my jig several feet away from the edge. But, what goes up must come down, and so, after viewing the caldera for two minutes before the rain began falling in earnest, we thenceforth and heretowhat began our hike back down.

Once it starts to rain, it’s super important to watch your step. And it might be wise to take note of who’s hiking down right in front of you. Because if, say, it’s your brother-in-law and his feet are twice as big as yours, his advice to, “Step where I’m stepping” isn’t as easy to follow as he might assume. And when the guide, several people in front of you, warns, “Stay on the path!”, he means Stay. On. The. Freaking. Path. Do. Not. Step. Two. Inches. Off. It. Or one inch.

Remember that scene in Romancing the Stone, when Joan Wilder takes a false step and goes sliding down a muddy waterslide-type thingie? That scene flashed in my mind as I tried to follow my BIL’s monster-sized footsteps, my left foot veered half a centimeter off the path and—down I went! Foot slipping away, body falling out from under me, my injured right shoulder (rotator cuff) getting a jolt as I swung out my elbow to prevent my fall.

“Cindy!” says BIL. “You’re supposed to step where I’m stepping.”

“Get smaller feet, then,” I muttered, or imagined, or made up.

Guide, from several people ahead: “Watch your step!”

Woman behind you: “I’m so glad I’m following you. I know just where not to place my foot.”

“Pleased to be of service.” (or something along those lines).

Eventually, if you survive this Attack of the Killer Path, as I did, you will return to your cute little bus and note the lava ALL over the island. It’s incredibly interesting.

No, that's not leftover asphalt beside the road. It's lava!

Back in Puerto Villamil, after a hearty lunch, we visited the Giant Tortoise Breeding Center.

Bunch of little Giant Tortoises
A big one.

After visting the Center, you might get so lucky as to have a chance to grab a beer (or your beverage of choice) with other members of your group in Puerto Villamil. I suggest you take advantage of it.

Remember when I said that your panga driver might try to steer you under the catamaran, which is especially freaky the first time (but fun every time), don’t be surprised if he does this your very first night (technically the second night). Relax. Enjoy it. It’s paradise!

Bye-Bye, Kindle and Nook. See You Again Soon.

My rights to HEAD OVER HEELS and BORROWING ALEX have not yet reverted to me. HEAD OVER HEELS reverts on June 15th and BORROWING ALEX on June 26th. Amber Quill Press is, as of this typing, still carrying several ebook formats of both novels. I imagine the ebook links for HEAD OVER HEELS will disappear this week and BORROWING ALEX will disappear from the Amber Quill website shortly thereafter. It might remain for sale until closer to the rights reversion date or it might not. I am not in control of whether it does.

Amber Quill sells MOBI (PRC) formats as well as several other ebook formats. MOBI (PRC) works on Kindle, but I don’t know what works on Nook other than the ePub format, which AQP doesn’t specifically sell.

I will update my book pages to the all-new, improved, updated Author’s Cut versions of HEAD OVER HEELS and BORROWING ALEX as soon as they are available for sale. In the meantime, feel free to buy from Amber Quill or Audible (audio books). The audio books are also on iTunes – currently #3 in Top Ten Romance Best Sellers for Australia – that’s HEAD OVER HEELS. Oooh, and #10 in Canada. Just squeaking in there! #6 in the Netherlands (ABOVE Book 2 in the Fifty Shades of Gray series, I do not lie, it’s above it right at this moment). And WHERE SHE BELONGS is, as of this typing, #9 in Denmark. Thank you, iTunes audio books! Two of my audio books are on the iTunes Top Ten Romance Best Seller lists at once! Okay, this is an aside from the purpose of this post, but that’s exciting.

As for the trade paperbacks of HEAD OVER HEELS and BORROWING ALEX, it looks like sayonara for now. Resist the urge to buy used copies from on-line vendors. They’re usually overpriced and don’t earn myself or my soon-to-be-former publisher (AQP) royalties. I will be re-issuing trade paperbacks of both books in July.

Watch this space!

Sindie Publishing

I keep meaning to write another travel blog post about my time in the Galapagos—and I will, eventually (maybe this weekend—oh, maybe I’ll be good and write and schedule two at once!)—but I’ve been super busy ever since we returned, and that busy-ness will not abate for several more weeks. Why, you ask? It’s good to ask, “Why?” For a writer, it goes along with asking, “What if?”

You’ve heard of self-publishing? How about Indie publishing? Essentially, they’re the same thing. Over the last couple of years, as self-publishing has mushroomed due to the ease of uploading to Kindle and Nook and the like, I’ve asked many an author who’s re-issuing her back list or has had it up to her neckballs in rejections and decided to self-publish, why do they call self-publishing “Indie” (as in independent) publishing? The answer is usually along the lines of (1) “self-publishing” has a stigma attached to it in the writing world, because there was a time when any decent published author would warn anyone who wanted to self-publish that it was a scam, that money doesn’t flow AWAY from the author, it flows TO the author. FROM the publisher. In other words, “self-publishing” was, back in the day when hogs painted their toenails daily and I was beginning to write for publication (way, way back in the day), pretty much equal to “vanity publishing.” That is, when you pay what is essentially a printer to “publish” and maybe even “edit” your book (snort). And when I say pay, people were paying thousands of dollars to print their work. Vanity publishing bad, because it bilks writers out of tons of money in exchange for “fulfilling” their dreams. Vanity publishing bad, because a vanity publisher will publish anything. The idea is for the company to make money, not tell the writer how to fix their prose. And then the writer realizes that no one other than their dog, their dentist, and their next-door neighbor wants to buy their vanity-published book—and the neighbor is lying.

That’s basically the first reason for saying Indie publishing instead of self-publishing. Reason 2? Because Indie publishing is easier to write and say. “It’s ‘Indie’ because I’m publishing independent of a publishing house,” the author says. “It’s ‘Indie,’ because I’m in charge of commissioning the cover, deciding if I want to hire a professional editor and proofreader, if I want to learn how to format my ebooks and trade paperbacks for the various vendors or hire a formatter to do so. It’s entirely under my control. Plus, it’s less letters to type and, let’s face it, it’s easier to say.”

Okay, I get it. But let’s throw a new one into the mix. Let’s call it Sindie Publishing. It’s self-publishing and Indie publishing all wrapped into one—plus it rhymes with Cindy.

Yes, that’s right, I’m diving into the world of Sindie Publishing.

Does this mean I am no longer submitting my work to editors and agents? No. I don’t like scrambling all my eggs in one basket. The eggs tend to drip through the basket slatty things. However, some authors who couldn’t sell to New York to save their lives are doing very well self-publishing in this age of exploding ebook sales. Some writers who couldn’t sell to New York are doing crappy self-publishing, too. The thing is, you don’t know unless you try.

There are those of us who thought ebooks would take off at the turn of the century (and by that I don’t mean 1900). The difference was that, twelve years ago, unless you wanted to be taken for a wagon of cash by a vanity publisher, self-publishing in the ebook world wasn’t an option. Electronic publishers popped up by the hundreds, and writers submitted to these publishers just like we submit to major publishing houses. However, epublishers were more likely to take on a book or a genre (like those in the romantic comedy niche) when New York was saying, No one wants to read romantic comedy, give us some more vampires. The problem? Ebooks didn’t take off. Until Amazon introduced the Kindle, the general readership basically stuck to paper books. Today that’s no longer the case. People are going nuts for Kindle, Nooks, Kobos, iPads, and whatever-else-have-you’s.

My two contracts with Amber Quill Press—for HEAD OVER HEELS and BORROWING ALEX—expire this month. I could have chosen to roll over the contracts, or I could have chosen to request my rights back. Now, I adore Amber Quill. They gave me a chance when no one else would, I’ve had a great relationship with my editor, and I enjoyed having input on cover design. But the books are now each several years old, and while I’ve been writing more romcoms essentially behind the public’s back, they don’t sell to New York. This is why I took a major detour to write humorous erotic romance under a pen name, and why it looks like “Cindy” only publishes every few years. Because she does. Penny’s doing the rest. But I (Cindy) love writing romantic comedy and humorous contemporary romance, and I want to do more of it without stressing about the necessity of an erotic hook. So, to me it makes utter sense to give self-publishing a try. Oops, I mean Sindie publishing.

HEAD OVER HEELS was first published in 2002 by a now-defunct epublisher, and then re-issued in 2005 by Amber Quill Press. My rights revert mid-June. I’m in the process of revising and updating the story to reflect a leaner writing style (although one couldn’t tell it by my blog posts) and kinda-sorta-maybe including aspects of recent technology that don’t F with my plots. I’ve also commissioned a new cover for HEAD OVER HEELS. I received the draft the other day, and I love it! I’ll go into the details of commissioning a cover versus filling out an art fact sheet for a publisher another day. Both have their pros and cons. Just like every step of self-publishing versus traditional publishing has its pros and cons. Again, fodder for another day. For now, I’m looking forward to re-issuing HEAD OVER HEELS and BORROWING ALEX under my own imprint (rights to BORROWING ALEX revert to me toward the end of June), plus Sindie publishing the romantic comedy short story series I’m writing (in between Penny’s obligations).

Because I’m heavily editing HEAD OVER HEELS on the heels of four weeks of no writing, I won’t have it ready for re-issue the day after my rights revert. This means that if you have a hankering to read HEAD OVER HEELS as it was originally written, you’d better buy it now (links handily provided here). If you’d rather read the updated Author’s Cut, then wait until I announce that the third edition is available. Or, hey, you can always do both.

Just because my rights to HEAD OVER HEELS revert to me this month does not mean that the book will suddenly disappear from third-party vendors (ie. any website other than Amber Quill). Amber Quill will stop selling the book on my rights reversion date, or shortly before, depending on what makes sense for them. However, they will continue to pay me royalties for third-party distributors as the royalties come in.

If you’d like to join my newsletter to receive the announcement of the re-issue of HEAD OVER HEELS, there’s a handy dandy newsletter sign-up box in the upper right of my blog. Or join my Faceook page, or follow me on Twitter.

By the way, the return of my rights for both of these books is restricted to the English-language ebook and print editions. My audio rights remain with AudioLark, and both audio books will continue to remain for sale on Audible and iTunes—and I am quite happy for them to do so. All foreign rights for both books are available for sale to non-English-language publishers, with the exception of the Japanese rights to HEAD OVER HEELS and the Greek rights to BORROWING ALEX, which have already been sold.

Cindy Bakes a Cake: The Twitter Feed

Ever wonder about those people who tweet while they’re watching Toddlers & Tiaras or cutting the grass? Well, I have. I’ve wondered how they can enjoy what they’re watching or doing while under the stress of tweeting every two seconds. So yesterday I decided to put Power Tweeting to the test (here’s a link to my Twitter feed, if you’re interested. I’m not over there all that much. Honest.)

I probably lost a few followers during the cake-making process, but it was actually fun. I tweeted about baking my first “from scratch” cake in over twenty years. You see, today’s my father’s 80th birthday (Happy Birthday, Dad!), and I wanted to do something special for him. When my kids were little, I iced the most amazing cakes for their birthdays. One sweltering summer night, when we had no air-conditioning, I spent 4 hours decorating a Bert-and-Ernie-shaped cake. All those shirt stripes! All those colors! My son loved it, but little did he know…I used cake mix. I have always used cake mix, no matter how fancy the decorating (I’m an awesome decorator). I’m too lazy to bake cake from scratch. Mainly because I don’t usually like cake, so it’s not worth the effort. I’m more a chocolate mousse girl. However, Youngest Son’s girlfriend (G-2 for the purposes of this blog) is an excellent baker, and she makes the most Divine Chocolate Raspberry Torte ever! It is DELISH. I wanted to make my own Divine Chocolate Raspberry Torte for my dad.

Note, G-2 is of those bakers who doesn’t have the recipe written down. She had to type up the instructions special for me. My mother is like this. These “natural” bakers and gourmet cooks will trip you up if you’re not careful.

The resulting Twitter feed:

  •  Googling “How to Separate an Egg.” I had an egg separator but it broke after 20 years of non-use (it fell off its perch!)
  •  What, this is a Canadian recipe! “4 oz bakers’ chocolate.” How big is a freaking ounce? How many SQUARES of chocolate?
  •  Eat 1/2 cup of brown sugar. Guaranteed you will not want to taste brown sugar again for at least six months.
  •  “Find two pots roughly same size so one fits snugly atop the other.” Uh, shouldn’t that be Use a double boiler? (note my superior tone here).
  •  tip – cut up the chocolate. It will melt faster.
  •  Tip – “stir until mixture makes a smooth custard” = let it thicken. (I had to think about that one!)
  •  Frantically phone son’s gf to find out what to do with the custard! Not mentioned in recipe! Hint – it goes into the batter.
  •  Lick the beaters clean of cake batter, because you’re going to need them to beat egg whites.
  •  Eat more brown sugar. Only one Tbsp. this time.
  •  Schedule trip to corner store to replace large Hershey’s bar needed for chocolate shavings, because you ate it two nights ago.
  •  The cake is in the oven! I can not be foiled! Wash dishes to prepare for Round 2.
  •  Play Scrabble on Facebook while cake layers bake.
  •  Increase baking time from 25 min to 30 min because these toothpicks are damn sticky!!
  •  Adjust baking time to 32 minutes, curse stupid oven, and kill spider on stove top.
  •  32 minutes is perfect! Time for Round 2. The filling.
  •  Tip. Do not shove measuring cup just used to measure cocoa powder into icing sugar bag.
  •  Don’t believe husband on your way out the door for replacement chocolate bar when he says you don’t have cake batter on your face.
  •  Son’s gf is right. At least one of the two cake layers will fall apart when cutting it in half. Put on bottom of cake plate.
  •  Next time don’t be so quick to show her up by cutting layer in half too quickly. (See how I resisted the urge to edit out the redundant quickly?)
  •  Don’t buy fresh raspberries for chocolate whip cream/raspberry filling b/c you’ll only eat them the day before.
  •  Congratulate self on buying rotating cake plate in 1985.
  •  Resist urge to eat chocolate whip cream filling while assembling four layers of cake BECAUSE YOU WILL RUN OUT.
  •  Shove frozen raspberries into gaps on sides of cake. Artfully, so as to appear on purpose.
  •  Another pack of fresh raspberries in fridge! I didn’t eat them all. Arrange around cake base. Chocolate shavings on top!
  •  “Chocolate shavings” really means “curlicues.” Finally, a use for the side of grater with three horizontal holes.
  •  Shove broken pieces of leftover chocolate bar between cake layers (thought of this all on my own! Helps balance the layers).
  •  Put in fridge overnight for tomorrow’s party. I have conquered G-2’s Divine Chocolate Raspberry Torte!

The Proof:

Go on, admit it. You’re impressed.