By Shobhan Bantwal
Author of THE SARI SHOP WIDOW and other novels about India
Despite my nearly 36-year-old arranged marriage and my conservative childhood in small-town India, I’m a hopeless romantic. Surprised? Why else would I write books that most people think of as “Bollywood in a Book,” stories bubbling with drama, emotion, colorful characters, rich cultural elements, and most importantly romance?
Contrary to popular western belief, modern Indian arranged marriages are indeed rooted in mutual liking and respect. Most couples have the choice of rejecting each other if they take an instant dislike or have serious doubts about a future together.
I firmly believe it is possible to have romance in a relationship built on a practical foundation. In fact, when parents of potential brides and grooms do a lot of discreet research before finding suitable mates for their children, they invariably choose someone with similar tastes, family values, and compatible economic and social backgrounds.
When there is so much going for a couple, not to mention support from both families, the chances of a smooth transition from single to married status are likely to be very high. Adjusting to someone who has so much in common with oneself is easier, and so is the potential for falling in love.
Many seem to view arranged marriage as a quaint and antiquated custom of two strangers hopping blindly into a loveless union forced by their elders. Nonetheless, from personal experience as well as the experiences of my near and dear ones, I can safely say arranged love is a safe kind of love that may be slow to ignite, mature, and stabilize, but it is an abiding love that often lasts a lifetime. I call it “arranged love.”
Statistics have proved that arranged marriages have a much higher survival rate. Besides, isn’t every marriage or long-term relationship a gamble to some degree, no matter which way the partners meet? I have to confess though, that my fiction is vastly different from my personal life. In my stories, the hero and heroine fall in love and at times go against society’s dictates.
I would love to hear your thoughts on arranged love. Do you think there is some merit to this archaic concept, and is it conducive to romance, or is it a recipe for disaster?
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Leave a comment or question for Shobhan to enter to win THE SARI SHOP WIDOW. If you’re reading Shobhan’s post through a feed on Facebook, Goodreads, or another social network, please visit the comment trail at Muse Interrupted to be eligible for the draw.
To read Shobhan’s bio and the back cover blurb for THE SARI SHOP WIDOW, please see yesterday’s post. To learn more about Shobhan and her books, check out her website.
Hi Shobhan:
Please don’t enter me in the contest as I already have a copy of this delightful book! Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed The Sari Shop Widow. As to arranged marriages, I do believe they can be of benefit as long as they allow for some choice like you mentioned!
Hello Shobhan
Thanks for an interesting post. I love your idea of ‘arranged love’ – gave me a new way of looking at arranged marriages – thanks.
I’ve just read Chapter 1 of The Sari Shop Widow and I’m intrigued… I shall be looking out for your books in the future.
What wonderful insight! I’m familiar with Chinese culture which also has a history of arranged marriages. The traditional arrangement where the bride and groom have never seen each other has morphed into a whole array of situations in modern times. There are still instances very similar to the mutual liking and respect you describe.
Arranged love is a wonderful concept and I can envision a story around it would add a whole new dimension to the romance that isn’t commonly explored. I’ve always found a special hope in a blind arrangement as well. Very much akin to the favored “marriage of convenience” plot.
What a gorgeous cover! My grandparents had kind of an arranged marriage. My grandfather snuck over and saw her before he agreed to go ahead with it. And of course my grandmother agreed. My grandfather died before I was born, but he was very good looking, and my mom and aunt adored him. My mom said everyone liked him.
Thanks fro bringing me back good memories.
Hi everyone and welcome to Shobahn! The first time I heard of arranged marriages was when I was in grade 9. A boy of Japenese descent in my class told me that his grandparents had an arranged marriage. The idea seemed very mysterious at the time.
Edie is right, that’s a beautiful cover! Thank you for blogging today in the midst of my computer troubles.
Interesting, I think I would enjoy this book. And what a great cover too. Thanks for posting this.
I, too, am a hopeless romantic, and believe in soulmates and true love in whatever way they find each other! I’d love to read this book, and thanks to Cindy for hosting this interesting interview and contest!
I’m curious to know if there is a engagement period where the couple get to know each other or is a date set and you get to know each other after the wedding?
Love the cover of this book.
I can completely believe that arranged marriages work. I mean, most people meet through some kind of “arranged” situation in that they either work at the same place, or go to the same school, or have a mutual interest, or were introduced by friends.
The only situations where I’d think it wouldn’t work, are if the parents had motivations other than finding their children good mates — like financial or status motivations. If the parents have the right intentions, then I do believe most would do a good job.
I also like the idea of love building over time (arcing up), rather than fizzling and arching down, as happens with many relationships that start on a pure physical attraction basis.
True story — one that I may fictionalize one day. My great grandfather was an educated man who had passed the mandarin exams. He was matched with a girl from a rich family but he insisted on seeing her first before agreeing. The matchmaker tricked him by telling to go to the market the next morning where he saw his prospective wife being chaperoned by her much more attractive (and married) cousin. Being a man, he assumed the pretty one was the one meant for him.
The story goes that he didn’t realize until his wedding day. Those old matchmakers really knew their game. 🙂
First of all, thank you, Cindy, for hosting me on your lovely blog. And those of you who already bought my book, you have my deep appreciation.
Thanks to each and every one of you for reading my blog and posting your comments. I know arranged marriage is a quaint idea for most westerners but where I grew up, it’s the norm, so we just sort go with the flow.
To answer LaShaunda’s question, there is usually an engagement period and in rare instances the couple decides they’re incompatible and break the engagement. However, in my case, we met two days before we were engaged and ten days later we were married because my husband lived in the US and was visiting India for 3 weeks only. But it’s been a good, solid marriage for 36 years.
And like Maureen says, almost every couple meets in some sort of contrived or arranged manner.
Good luck in the drawing, you guys.
Shobhan Bantwal
Author of THE SARI SHOP WIDOW
http://www.shobhanbantwal.com
Jeannie Lin, I love that story!
Jeannie Lin,
Ooh, a bit of trickery there. I think it’ll make a great fiction story, especially if your great grandfather eventually fell in love with the plainer woman he married. It would be all about the inner person and the shallowness of outward beauty, etc… I’d love to read it.
Thank you everyone for coming by! Beth S. wins the copy of THE SARI SHOP WIDOW. Beth, please look for an email from me in your in-box.
Thank you, Shobhan, for a wonderful blogging day!